FOCUS: Do you think your focus/argument/thesis statement is strong and supported throughout your entire essay?
YES! The chosen topic is good because it has captured the attention of the writer through the essay writing process, hence remaining focused. The thesis statement is also well crafted and complete; the writer should only try to make the thesis sentence more declarative so that the readers can easily the writer’s stand in the first paragraph.
DEVELOPMENT: Do you think your essay is well developed with evidence, examples, reasons, names, numbers, statistics and/or details all in support of your focus/argument?
YES! The essay is well developed. Terms that could create confusion in the mind of a reader are well explained. All the involved parties on the issue of LGBT are compared and the degree to which they can influence the issue is explained. The existing relationships concerning the effect and cause are mentioned by the writer as well as the past and present circumstances of the LGBT issue. The development of the essay is further enhanced through the inclusion of other people’s opinions; the writer can do much better by including opinions of close friends, family members and victims themselves if it is possible to find anyone willing to give his or her opinion on the matter. Statistics would improve the development of the essay.
RHETORICAL STRUCTURE: Do you think your essay is arranged in the best way to support and reveal your focus/argument?
YES! The writer has included concrete evidences that complicate the essay by opposing his/her idea. The essay is open to opposing voices before discrediting them with enough evidences and transition between paragraphs is also good
PARAGRAPH DEVELOPMENT: Does each of your paragraphs contain 1 main point that is well developed?
NO! The main ideas are focused on the content of the paragraph but most of them are not related directly to the thesis. The main ideas must be written at the beginning of the paragraphs as the topic sentence and must be related to the thesis statement. However, the last sentences completely wrap up what is discussed in the paragraph
PARAGRAPH TRANSITIONS: Does each of your paragraphs transition clearly to the one following it?
YES! The transition from one paragraph to the next is evident and cohesion achieved enhances unity among the paragraphs
SENTENCE CORRECTNESS AND STYLE: Are your sentences grammatically correct and written in the most effective style?
YES! Good grammar and use of effective writing style. The word choice, sentence fluency, and voice are outstanding