Introduction
Divorce is the termination of marriage before death as it is said in the vows by either spouse. Another definition is the formal termination of marriage in the court of law. In the current, world divorce has become a household thing in that the way it trends in the society it is no longer seen as a big deal as it was in the previous generations. Couples never take marriage serious as before despite the fact that children as sometimes involved. They take as a short time thing whereby they enjoy the romance and divorce when they become bored with each other. According to research conducted in various countries, it has proved that cases of divorce are many in the developed countries and it increased mainly in the twentieth century. Divorce is a daily thing in the United States, Canada, South Korea and countries who are members of the European Union. The common thing about these states is that they are both affected by modern culture and socialism which is said to be wide open minded. For instance, there are spots in the world where people can get married instantly, for instance, Las Vegas. This shows the difference in culture that makes couples not to value the gift of marriage. There are nations though who do not allow divorce they include countries like the Philippines, the Vatican City plus others who have not legalize divorce (Clarke-Stewart, et al, 2000). In China, they see divorce as a way ruining the honor of the family. Another problem is that the issue of the single parent families has led to a lot of women making decisions about having children outside marriage. There a lot of countries that the process of divorce must go through the court system in that for a divorce to take place there must be a certified order from the court of law plus a legal action is required to dissolve the previous legal act of marriage. The issue in most cases is taken to court so as to set the terms of the divorce, this done in the presence of the magistrate and the couples present the terms that they decided on privately for the judge to ratify and approve. There are countries like Portugal where the couples do not to attend the court of law to divorce. It can be certified even by a non judiciary administrative entity. A religion like the Islam allows divorce even though it is not encouraged (Gottman, 2014).
Causes of Divorce
There are a lot of reasons why couples file for divorce; the first one is the issue of extramarital affairs. According to researches that have been conducted, it shows that infidelity is a major cause of marriage break ups. Other things like the family strains, emotional plus the physical abuse, mid-life crisis, plus the use of drugs also break families. Among ten divorced couples eight of them got separated because their spouses were having an affair outside marriage. The reasons why some men or women cheat in marriages is because of the loss of love or the decrease in attraction towards their partners. In most occasions couples cheat on the partners and fail to communicate because of the fear that the liking for the other person might not grow and they would never wish to lose their current spouses. Another thing is the issue of infidelity where the wives realize that their partners are cheating on them so instead of approaching them to handle the situation they decide to do the same. Another reason that leads to infidelity is when either the partner is not sexually satisfied. When there is the little satisfaction of romance in the marriage, the couples will seek romance somewhere else and when the other partner discovers about the infidelity or about the unfaithful spouse he or she might decide to end the marriage through divorce (Amato, et al, 2003).
Apart from infidelity, alcohol plus drug abuse can lead to divorce. This can happen when the addicted partner decides to spend the family’s money on drugs and alcohol. Apart from spending family, they will tend to borrow a lot from the family to purchase these drugs, and when they fail to get money from their partners, they become hostile and make life to their opposites unbearable. Another about drugs is that once somebody becomes an addict, they will switch their attention to the drugs and forget about the family. So when somebody feels like their partner is showing a lot of interest in alcohol and drugs and neglecting their family, then the other partner might decide to go for a divorce. A spouse who is addicted to alcohol and drugs will cause a lot of frictions within the family (Gottman, 2014).
Lack of communication among couples can lead to divorce. This has been there for a long time, and it has never changed. In every marriage, the couples are not physically attached to each other, so the only way to keep in touch is through communication. Communication assists in the reduction of the risk of couples getting angry since the communication will always cool them down. The best way for couples to keep their marriage intact is through communicating to solve problems and not to win the argument. The only way to allow marriage to grow is through communication since the couples will learn about each other. When couples fail to maintain good communication they might get bored with each other, and in the end, they might decide to seek a divorce (Amato, et al, 2003).
Effects of divorce
People always decided to divorce without looking the effects of it from a bigger picture, like how divorce will affect the community, the families involved and most importantly the effect it will have on the children. Couples in most occasions make decisions about divorce basing their reasons on emotions instead of the logics which can stop their long term happiness. But there are those couples who decide to divorce even after analyzing the effects it would have on their lives plus the people involved. Not all divorce has adverse effects; it depends on with the situation the partners were. Children always go through a lot of psychological torture during a divorce, for instance, most children would think that their parents do not love them and they will develop the feeling of being neglected by either parent. Sometimes these children would wish to bring their parents back together, but they will feel powerless and helpless since the situation might beyond their control. The children would be in a dilemma since they do not form the part to support and because of the trauma some children run away from home and settle in the streets. In most cases, the children of divorced couples are the ones to suffer the most, for instance, most children who happen to experience divorce during their childhood usually have a problem as well to maintain their relationships with opposite sex as they grow (Clarke-Stewart, et al, 2000).
Divorce will also interfere with these kids performance academically due to the stigma caused by the divorce since they might be forced to live with either one parent or distant relatives. Lastly, these children will have poor methods of socialization since they will abnormal being raised by single parents and not being able to experience the parental love or knowing the power of a nuclear family. Another effect is that divorce might affect couples economically, mentally, physically and emotionally. Due to the policy and the politics associated with economic conditions related to divorce, there is a lot of attention on the financial side. Sometimes after divorce, there would be some positive feelings towards your partner that might make you hate your ex-spouse. It is not that all the divorce has negative impacts, sometimes the effects are positive in that it can reduce conflicts in the family if in any case, and the couples were at war all the time. Communities which experience a high number of divorced rates do not stand a chance of development since the children are not mentally and psychologically ready for changes since their brains do not function straight (Amato, et al, 2003).
Analysis of the effectiveness of the initiative programs
One of the greatest challenges that people face especially children and divorced parents is the process of transition when divorce occurs. There is a need for programs to help deal with the aftermath of this tragedy. Initiative programs like GH6602, Activities for Helping Children Deal with Divorce, Divorce That Works for Children, and Parenting program for Families with Children plus others focus so much on how to assist the victims to overcome the stress. They help in giving guides to parents on ways to direct their children on to help them work through their feelings, concerns plus the frustrations about the divorce. The most common emotions according to these initiatives that children need to overcome include anger, sadness, guilt loneliness and sometimes embarrassment. On many occasions to deal with these emotions makes it hard for children to deal with them, so they usually draw them. The initiatives try to offer ways to parents on how to handle this. They suggest to parents to encourage their children to express their feelings through drawings, have a free conversation and letter writing. To grownups, they are always advised to exercise regularly and involve themselves in social activities to overcome these emotions, join educative programs that would help them in gaining experience about marriage during out of wedlock so as to avoid making mistakes in their future marriages (Kelly, 2000).
Some of the initiative programs do not deal with the aftermath of divorce only but sometimes they teach couples on how to handles misunderstandings plus problems that sometimes arise in marriages so as to avoid the cases of divorce. These programs have managed to reduce the number of divorce cases. In most occasions, children who experience their parents separate when they grow are likely to do the same that if they were not brought up and taught on how to overcome the fear. Another thing is that married couples plus the engaged couples undergo through series of training before and after marriage preparing them for the task ahead of them, so when they begin the journey, it finds them when they had already had a rough idea of what might take place. The programs that spread nationally have helped to create awareness of the crisis in the country plus effects of the crisis. The local ones that are based on the community level support families that had or going through the experience to manage and move on. The reason for creating the initiative programs both at national and local level is that it has been realized that divorce has a way of interfering with economic activities hence it has become one of the factors that hinder development. Government involvement is a way of making sure that the gross domestic profit of the country is not affected by the current crisis of divorce (Lengua, et al, 2000).
Conclusion
Divorce is the worst thing to happen to anybody; it should be avoided as much as possible. In many occasions, it becomes hard to deal with and accept the fact that two people who once lived as closed soul mates now have to be separated because off misunderstanding that could not be solved. As it has been seen the main causes are always inadequate means of communication and conflict resolution methods. It is a difficult thing to deal with and making an adjustment for both children and parents is difficult. The members of the family must cope with a lot of emotions plus the alteration in style of living. Apart from the struggles in the divorce, it is still the responsibility of the parents to provide for their children. The initiative programs help parents to reconnect with the kids so as to understand their feelings to help them move on with their lives.
References
Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People’s reasons for divorcing gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of family issues, 24(5), 602-626.
Clarke-Stewart, K. A., Vandell, D. L., McCartney, K., Owen, M. T., & Booth, C. (2000). Effects of parental separation and divorce on very young children. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(2), 304.
Gottman, J. M. (2014). What predicts divorce?: The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Psychology Press.
Kelly, J. B. (2000). Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of research. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 39(8), 963-973.
Lengua, L. J., Wolchik, S. A., Sandler, I. N., & West, S. G. (2000). The additive and interactive effects of parenting and temperament in predicting adjustment problems of children of divorce. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 29(2), 232-244.